To flow to my fingers
I'll be alright when my hands get warm
-dashboard confessional
I can walk, I can talk, I can eat, I can breathe
Think, Imagine, Create, Destroy, Believe,
Jump........
So why don't I feel human?
Empty Shell
Or am I just tricking myself here?
Maybe I'm just tired...
I jumped into the pool this morning at 3:30 am and stood in the water, drenched and freezing cold, for at least 15 minutes. My greatest thought?
"I feel cold.."
Today I gave blood (finally I can!)
I watched the needle go in, I watched the blood come out
I felt it all, I saw my blood
Clearly, I am fully human
Body
Soul
Ah, now there's the rub, my soul. It is absolutely starving, and nothing here will quench that. Or, nothing I have been feeding it.
And Im tired of feeling restless
A head and a body and blood!
But empty!
Acting in my own true fashion I've managed to completely lock away all my emotions
Going with the typical "Im fine!" "Life is GREAT!" replies to all life-related questions
oh so typical
honestly
I'm Confused
I'm Distracted
Lonely,Lost
Lack of Amino Acids?... eh, posible
Why why why do I lie
why do I hide everything
I don't even try to at this point
It comes so naturally
.....
oiy vey
...>>>>>>>
Waiting for the life to flow
Waiting for the light to glow
This is how'll you'll know
When all my hopes are fading(fading)
Still you'll see me waiting(waiting)
I cannot run away
Leastwise not too far
All I do is stay
Staring up at stars
Well all my hopes are fading (fading)
Still I stand here waiting (waiting)
Somehow that voice still tells me
This will all be worth it one day
And I know the lies, despite how they choke
Cannot suffocate what I already know
But I cannot find the peace of mind
My soul will not be still
And I cannot blame my skin completely
I cannot, but I will
I'd run a thousand miles in anger
Swim jealously across the seas
Build a mansion out of sadness
To escape from this disease!
My constant patient hunger..
My smile so eager to please...
My dreadful lasting madness!!
To the wrong gods I appease
And what if I'm afraid the truth
Would hurt the ones I love?
And what if I'm afraid the truth
Would hurt the One above?
And what if I'm afraid the truth
Will only make me see..
That diving in the truth
Will finally set me free
I'm afraid to lose the walls
Because I'm afraid to feel
I'm afraid to show my wounds
Because I'm afraid they'll heal
Now my scars are fading (fading)
But still I find me waiting (waiting)
They said my faith was stunning
So why have I stopped running
They said that I could really make it
So why do I fake it? Take it?
Forsake it!
In a room of a thousand choices
Indecision finds me high and dry
I find that its not chances are lacking
But the fact that I fail to try
And maybe I'd finally get some wings
If I dared to learn to fly
And maybe I'd have less pressure
If I let flood my eyes
And maybe I'd be more trusting
If I removed my own disguise
And maybe I could rest in the truth
If I stopped living such eloquent lies
Cause honestly?
I'm not that nice
I just hate to disappoint
Father, I find it shocking
That you still hang around
When I've been tossing breadcrumbs
Making not a sound
Abba, Daddy,
Save me please
Elohim, Creater,
I'm on my knees
Im dying here once again
Once Again Crying out
I thought I could do this
But Again I've found out
I thought I could do this
But I just don't know how
..........<<<<<<<<
